We Tried It: The $650 'Penis Facial' That Sandra Bullock and Cate Blanchett Swear By
But I soon learned that while it definitely would be one of the best facials I’ll probably ever get in my life, it probably wouldn’t be the most relaxing. Sarah cleansed my skin (this part was relaxing) and then applied a gentle chemical peel to sterilize my skin. Next came the numbing cream. She massaged it all over my face, and then had me lay under red and blue lights (they have great anti-aging and anti-inflammatory properties, respectively) while the numbness kicked in. Soon enough, I couldn’t feel my face — which meant it was time for the most important part of the facial: microneedling.
The microneedling machine is an electric wand with a dozen tiny needles at the end. Yes, it looks — and sounds — scary, but since I was numb, it wasn’t so bad. Sarah pressed the needles into my skin in a linear pattern, poking teeny tiny holes into the surface of my face. While she did this, she applied the EGF serum — yes, the baby foreskin one — so that it penetrated immediately. The process took about 30 minutes — and while I was relieved that it was over, I was eager to see if I had yet morphed into Bullock during that time.
But I wasn’t done yet. Next, Sarah applied a second chemical peel, and then a thick liquid face mask that she even smoothed over my eyes and mouth. Since I couldn’t see or speak, I motioned for her to take photos of me looking like a science project (above). Then, she hooked the edges of the mask up to an electrifying machine, which would send waves through my skin to lift, tone and soothe it. After that, she swiped on a few more serums and SPF and I was on my merry way.
The Verdict: As if the resounding “you look glowing” from my coworkers didn’t prove how good the results were, I must have looked in the mirror to examine my skin about 20 times upon arriving at work. There wasn’t as much redness as I had expected, and I truly was glowing. My pores looked smaller, my cheekbones looked more defined, and the lines in my forehead that usually bug me were nowhere in sight. But beyond that, it felt smooth and firm for days. Since the experience, my usual redness has disappeared, enabling me to skip foundation, and there’s still a radiance about my skin that wasn’t there before. And while I certainly don’t have the budget (or the time, for that matter) to get these on the regular like the Ocean’s 8 cast, you better believe I’ll be taking better care of my skin from here on out in hopes of maintaining the results. Thanks, Sarah (and you, too, Sandra!).