"Check in on your SAHM friends ... we are NOT okay."

By Kristi Pahr
February 05, 2020
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When we make the decision to stay home to raise our kids, very rarely do we understand exactly what that means. We know it'll be hard, but if we've never done it, if we've never been in the trenches alone with babies and toddlers all day long every single day, it's hard to conceptualize how our days will actually look. Sure, we may have a friend or a sister-in-law who's a stay-at-home mom (SAHM), and we may hear them talk about how hard it is, but many of us just don't understand. We may scoff or think they're just an isolated case of someone who isn't coping well or that they're just lazy. We may blow off their complaints and think to ourselves, "Pfft, she's home all day. She doesn't even have a job. What could she possibly have to complain about? It sure must be nice to be able to complain about not having to work."

Probably sounds a little familiar, huh?

One mom near her breaking point shared some of her stay-at-home truths in a now-viral Facebook post and anyone who thinks SAHMs have it easy should definitely take the time to read it.

"Everyone thinks being a stay-at-home mom full-time is easy—that we are lucky to be able to not have to work, that we are lazy, that it’s not 'real' work so we have nothing to complain about," writes Facebook user Bridgette Anne. "But the truth is ... it’s f**king lonely and overwhelming."

She then goes on to describe some aspects of SAHM life that folks may not know about, or may have heard about but don't take seriously.

"You can’t do anything by yourself; go to the bathroom, enjoy a cup of coffee, read," she describes. But it's not just about going to the bathroom alone. "Hell, you can’t even scrub the sh*t out of pants for the third time in a day without someone crying or screaming at your leg." It's bigger than not being able to go pee without a kid trying to nurse or wanting to sit in your lap, though. It's the constant touching, even while you're doing something as unpleasant and nasty as cleaning up from a diaper blowout—multiple times a day.

"You wear the same clothes that smell like sweat and tears for days at a time because it’s already stained and no use in ruining more clothes." Tears and sweat and milk and probably someone else's urine, but as soon as you change clothes it just happens all over again, day in and day out, so what's the point?

"You lock yourself in the bathroom and scream into a towel while crying because you need a second to breathe; all while a child is banging on the door to get in," she writes. "Let that sink in, most of us don’t even have the luxury to cry and be frustrated in peace."

And that one is a biggie that most people who've never experienced it just don't get. You're never, ever alone. If you work outside the home and you get frustrated or upset, you can expect at least a modicum of privacy to get yourself together. If you stay home though? Nope. No privacy. And not just for going to the bathroom, or trying to have discreet sex late at night with your partner. There's no privacy when you feel like you're about to explode. No privacy when the tears course down your cheeks and your sweet toddler touches your face and asks, "Wass wong, mama?"

Bridgette Anne sums it pretty succinctly: "I have screamed already today, I have cried, and I have felt so damn guilty that my child was here to witness it."

She ends with "Check in on your SAHM friends ... we are NOT okay." And it's true: We may be OK sometimes, we may seem OK on the phone, but chances are at some point recently or at some point soon, we will not be OK and we'll need a friend.

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This article originally appeared on Parents.com