By Stephanie Petit, People
March 13, 2017

This article originally appeared on

Gillian Anderson is opening up about her long-term struggle with depression.

After releasing a self-help book called We: A Manifesto for Women Everywhere ($14;, the 48-year-old actress talked to The Guardian about her struggles with mental health and her road to recovery.

Anderson’s depression stems back to her youth, when she began therapy at age 14 and was voted “Most Likely to Get Arrested” by her high school classmates — a superlative she quickly proved to be correct when she was caught breaking into her school on the night of graduation.

Her new book details many occasions when her mental health problems took over, sometimes leaving her wanting to isolate herself from the outside world.

“There were times when it was really bad,” she revealed. “There have been times in my life where I haven’t wanted to leave the house.”

Anderson hopes her new book would help others facing similar struggles, including the issue of self-esteem. Now, however, she refuses to harp on her appearance.

“All I know is that when I meditate, one goes beyond the physical, and it is possible to tap into a sense of absolute contentment and joy in that place. So if that’s where you’re starting, then actually none of this,” she said, gesturing to her body, “means anything, really.”

The X-Files star also reveals that she’s also dealt with difficulty remembering things. Although a friend suggested she might be dyslexic, Anderson is unsure if she really wants to know the answer.

“I’d always been afraid to look into it, because I was afraid that if I found something out, I would think that I couldn’t do anything that I wanted to do,” she said.

Thankfully, Anderson has had no problems remembering her lines.

“But of course that’s terrifying for me, thinking, well, what if this problem that exists in the rest of my life shows up in that respect, too?” she said. “Then I’d be buggered.”

This Story Originally Appeared On People