She spoke at length about her 2018 overdose for the first time.

By Kimberly Truong
Updated March 06, 2020
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Credit: Ari Perilstein/Getty Images

Demi Lovato is getting candid about her relapse for the first time.

In an interview with Ellen DeGeneres this week, she spoke at length about the circumstances leading up to her drug overdose in July 2018, revealing she broke her six-year sobriety three months before, in part due to how "controlling" her former team had been in regards to her diet.

Lovato, who had bulimia, said her eating disorder was getting "progressively worse," with her team "checking what my orders at Starbucks were on my bank statements" and going so far as to bar her from having fruit and removing the phone from her hotel room so she couldn't order room service.

"My bulimia got really bad and I asked for help and I didn't receive the help that I needed," she said. "And so I was stuck in this unhappy position. Here I am sober and I'm thinking to myself, "I'm six years sober, but I'm miserable. I'm even more miserable than I was when I was drinking. Why am I sober?'"

Eventually, Lovato sent a message to her team, confronting them about their behavior.

"My core issues are abandonment from my birth father as a child. He was an addict, an alcoholic; like we had to leave him," she said. "And I have vivid memories of him leaving so when [my team] left, they totally played on that fear, and I felt completely abandoned so I drank. That night I went to a party and there was other stuff there and it was only three months before I ended up in the hospital with an OD."

Adding that "I made the decisions that got me to where I am today. It was my actions that put me in the position that I'm in," she told DeGeneres, "I think it's important that I sit here on this stage and tell you at home or you in the audience or you right here that if you do go through this, you yourself can get through it."

If you are struggling with an eating disorder and are in need of crisis support, you can contact the NEDA Hotline at 1-800-931-2237.

If you or someone you know is struggling with addiction, please contact the SAMHSA substance abuse helpline at 1-800-662-HELP.

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This article originally appeared on InStyle.com