Cara Delevingne Says She Lost the Will to Live While Battling Depression as a Teenager
"I hated myself for being depressed," the model says.
This article originally appeared on InStyle.com.
Cara Delevingne is holding nothing back when it comes to her struggles with depression as a teenager.
In her cover story for The Edit, the supermodel went as far to reveal that she lost the will to live during her darkest hours battling the mental disease. "I hated myself for being depressed, I hated feeling depressed, I hated feeling," Delevingne confessed. "I was very good at disassociating from emotion completely. And all the time I was second-guessing myself, saying something and then hating myself for saying it. I didn't understand what was happening apart from the fact that I didn't want to be alive anymore."
When the actress tried to seek solace through friends, they simply couldn't understand her feelings. "So many of my friends would say: 'How can you feel like that?' and, 'But you're so lucky,' and I'd be like: 'I know, trust me, I know,'" the 25-year-old revealed. "I know I'm the luckiest girl in the world, I understand all of these things, and I wish I could appreciate it. There is just something dark within me I cannot seem to shake."
After learning to love herself and not rely on others for her happiness, Delevingne admits she's content. "I was always in love with my best friends, the person I would call if something was wrong, the person that I talked to about everything," she divulged. "But when someone gets too close, I get scared: 'Oh, you can't handle it, I'm too crazy.' I know it sounds really stupid, but I relied too much on love, too much on other people to make me happy, and I needed to learn to be happy by myself. So now I can be by myself, I can be happy. It took me a long time."
Hats off to Cara for bringing awareness to an illness that plagues so many young people.