Isn't this why wine bars and brunch were invented?

By Anthea Levi
June 13, 2018

Sex is an intimate act that (usually!) involves two partners. Yet widening the circle of people who know the details of your sexual experiences to include your closest friends can actually be beneficial.

Not only can debriefing your friend group on your sex life bring serious laughs (“Um, he put what in where?), it can open the door to emotional support if things in the bedroom get confusing, as well as guidance on how you should proceed so you get the satisfaction you deserve.

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So why don't we talk about sex with our friends as much as we should? It might be because sex is so personal, and it's hard to open up without worrying that even your besties might get judgy. Or perhaps because whatever you want to talk about makes you feel not normal. Or you worry that you're violating your partner's privacy. 

All of those are valid reasons—but there's a case to be made for getting past them. Here are five good reasons to devote way more time to discussing your sex life with your girlfriends.

They can give you pointers

Is your go-to position not quite cutting it anymore? Is you partner lacking when it comes to giving you mind-blowing orgasms? Don't despair—take it to your girls. Chances are your BFFs have been in your shoes and can provide advice, whether it’s their favorite sex positions or how to teach your partner that mouth move that always brings you to climax. 

Reaching out to other women for help can also fundamentally change how we approach sex. Jennifer Wiessner, a Maine-based sex therapist, recently spoke at a women’s retreat that focused on relationship and sexual self-care for young mothers. There, the topic of sexuality was at the forefront of the attendees’ minds.

“After one women tearily disclosed her longing for an improved sexual connection with her partner, the group opened up and the questions flowed, as did the guidance between participants,” Wiessner tells Health. “Participants were able to notice their connectedness in their feelings and offer each other understanding and support.” These types of conversations, Wiessner says, empower women to take charge of their sexuality and get the intimacy they crave.

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It can bring you closer to your girls

Being honest is the core of any valuable friendship, so don’t shy away from getting real with your girlfriends—it can tighten your bond. “For many women, once the topic of sex is added to the friendship, there isn’t much else you can’t discuss,” says Wiessner. And there’s nothing quite as wonderful as a friend who will lend an ear whenever you need it, whether it's to confide in her about a recent hookup or seek her advice when it comes to a work problem or family issue.

It can help you work through bigger issues

“On a practical note, talking with friends about sex can reduce anxiety and fears about one’s body, how it functions, and its unique differences,” says Wiessner. As an example, she notes that she has worked with women who thought they were abnormal because they couldn’t orgasm during intercourse. “After just 30 minutes of education in my office about the clitoris, stimulation, and responsive desire, they walk out feeling empowered.”

Sadly, not all of us have the means to see a sex therapist, but that’s okay. Why? “The truth is, we don’t need to if we as women can band together and educate each other on the wonders of the divine feminine,” says Wiessner. 

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You'll help dispel the myth that everyone is getting good sex

“Movies, videos, and porn mostly suggest that everyone is having great sex,” says Wiessner. “But the reality is, these myths continue to live on because women don’t tend to talk about sex authentically with each other.”

If you're in a relationship with someone whose sex drive is vastly different from yours, or you're not having the kind of sex you'd like because your partner works a lot or has other responsibilities, it can be a relief to bring it up to your friends. Chances are, they've been in that situation too, if they aren't in it right now. They'll remind you that it's totally normal, or they might suggest that it's a sign you need to find a new partner. Painful to hear, but they know you best, and it might be right in the long run.

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It’s really fun

If nothing else convinces you to reveal to friends what went down during your latest hookup, remember this: Hearing about sex gone wrong is pretty hilarious (proof is here). And learning the wacky trick that brings your best friend to a surefire orgasm every time is also pretty awesome. It's time to group text your girls, pick a place to meet up, and start talking.