Skip to content

Top Navigation

Health.com Health.com
  • Health Conditions A-Z
  • News
  • Coronavirus
  • Diet & Nutrition
  • Fitness
  • Beauty
  • Mind & Body
  • Lifestyle
  • Weight Loss
  • Newsletter
  • Promo

Profile Menu

Join Now

Account

  • Join Now
  • My Profile
  • Email Preferences
  • Newsletters
  • Manage Your Subscription this link opens in a new tab
  • Help
  • Logout

More

  • Give a Gift Subscription this link opens in a new tab
My Account

Account

  • Join Now
  • My Profile
  • Email Preferences
  • Newsletters
  • Manage Your Subscription this link opens in a new tab
  • Help
  • Logout

More

  • Give a Gift Subscription this link opens in a new tab
Login
Subscribe
Pin FB

Explore Health.com

Health.com Health.com
  • Explore

    Explore

    • Is Your Doctor Gaslighting You? Here's What to Do

      Is Your Doctor Gaslighting You? Here's What to Do

      How to handle a physician who doubts or dismisses your symptoms. Read More
    • 9 Signs It's More Serious Than the Common Cold

      9 Signs It's More Serious Than the Common Cold

      Doctors explain how to tell if you have a head cold or something more serious that requires medical attention, such as the flu, strep throat, meningitis, or mono. Read More
    • How Your Period Changes During Your 20s, 30s, and 40s

      How Your Period Changes During Your 20s, 30s, and 40s

      From easier cramps to a heavier flow, here's a guide on what to expect decade by decade. Read More
  • Health Conditions A-Z

    Health Conditions A-Z

    See All Health Conditions A-Z
    12 Anxiety Symptoms That Might Point to a Disorder

    12 Anxiety Symptoms That Might Point to a Disorder

    The symptoms of anxiety can be hard to detect. Here are the ones you need to pay attention to, and how to know if you may have an anxiety disorder.
    • Allergies
    • Anxiety
    • Birth Control
    • Breast Cancer
    • Coronavirus
    • Chronic Pain
    • Cold, Flu, and Sinus
    • Depression
    • Digestive Health
    • Diabetes (Type 2)
    • Eczema
    • Eye Health
    • Fibromyalgia
    • Heart Disease
    • Headaches and Migraines
    • Oral Health
    • Pregnancy
    • Psoriasis
    • Sexual Health
    • Skin Conditions
    • Sleep
    • Thyroid
  • News

    News

    See All News
    Shannen Doherty Reveals Stage 4 Breast Cancer Diagnosis—Here's What It Means

    Shannen Doherty Reveals Stage 4 Breast Cancer Diagnosis—Here's What It Means

    "I'm petrified," the actress said when she shared the news that her breast cancer came back. Here's why a stage 4 breast cancer diagnosis can be so frightening.
    • Celebrities
  • Coronavirus
  • Diet & Nutrition

    Diet & Nutrition

    The Best (and Worst) Diets of 2020, According to Experts

    The Best (and Worst) Diets of 2020, According to Experts

    FYI: The keto diet is not number one.
    • Food
    • Nutrition
    • Vitamins and Supplements
    • Groceries
    • Restaurants
    • Diets
    • Keto Diet
    • Mediterranean Diet
    • Whole30
    • Recipes
  • Fitness

    Fitness

    See All Fitness
    10 Moves for a Cardio Workout at Home—No Equipment Required

    10 Moves for a Cardio Workout at Home—No Equipment Required

    Stay in your living room and still spike your heart rate.
    • Cardio Workouts
    • Strength Training
    • Yoga
    • Ab Workouts
    • Arm Workouts
    • Leg Workouts
    • Butt Workouts
    • Fitness Gear
  • Beauty

    Beauty

    See All Beauty
    These 13 Women Prove Every Body Is a Bikini Body

    These 13 Women Prove Every Body Is a Bikini Body

    We're loving their inspirational, body-positive messages.
    • Skincare
    • Makeup
    • Hair
    • Nails
  • Mind & Body

    Mind & Body

    See All Mind & Body
    Why Do People Lie? We Asked an Expert

    Why Do People Lie? We Asked an Expert

    Here's the truth about lying.
    • Body Positivity
    • Self-Care
    • Misdiagnosed
    • Invisible Illness
    • LGBTQ+ Health
    • Right to Care: Health Diversity and Inclusion
    • Resolution Reboot
    • Wellness Warriors
  • Lifestyle

    Lifestyle

    20 Things You Should Throw Away for Better Health

    20 Things You Should Throw Away for Better Health

    Clean out expired products and clutter to make way for a healthier you.
    • Healthy Home
    • Pets
    • Family
    • Relationships
    • Style
    • Holidays
    • Sex
    • Gifts
    • Money
    • Tech
    • Medicare
    • Best Life Now
    • Health Reviews
  • Weight Loss
  • Newsletter
  • Promo

Profile Menu

Subscribe this link opens in a new tab
Join Now

Account

  • Join Now
  • My Profile
  • Email Preferences
  • Newsletters
  • Manage Your Subscription this link opens in a new tab
  • Help
  • Logout

More

  • Give a Gift Subscription this link opens in a new tab
My Account

Account

  • Join Now
  • My Profile
  • Email Preferences
  • Newsletters
  • Manage Your Subscription this link opens in a new tab
  • Help
  • Logout

More

  • Give a Gift Subscription this link opens in a new tab
Login
Sweepstakes

Follow Us

LIVE
  1. HomeChevron Right
  2. SexChevron Right
  3. 13 Truths About Sex Every Woman Must Learn Before Turning 30

13 Truths About Sex Every Woman Must Learn Before Turning 30

By Kristine Thomason
Updated January 30, 2017
Each product we feature has been independently selected and reviewed by our editorial team. If you make a purchase using the links included, we may earn commission.
Skip gallery slides
Save Pin
education-sex-tips-20s
Sex and relationship experts share exactly what they wish they'd known about sex in their 20s.
Start Slideshow

1 of 13

Save Pin
Facebook Tweet Mail Email iphone Send Text Message

To my 20-year-old self

sex-tips-20s-intro
Credit: Getty Images

Sex is much more complicated than movies (Hollywood or otherwise) make it out to be—and it’s not like your high school health class included a lesson on living your best sex life. Everything you know about enjoying sex has probably come down to a lot of trial and error.

While learning as you go is part of the fun, there's no point in wasting your time believing you should ever fake an orgasm, or that you should feel embarrassed by your shape, or that you need to keep quiet about how you really want your partner to touch you down there. That's why we asked four sex and relationship experts what else they wished they'd known about sex when they were younger. Here, they make the sexual learning curve a little less steep for you.

1 of 13

Advertisement
Advertisement

2 of 13

Save Pin
Facebook Tweet Mail Email iphone Send Text Message

It's okay to laugh

have-sex
Credit: Getty Images

Sex may have seemed super serious when you were a novice, but do yourself a favor and loosen up a bit, advises sex therapist and educator Rena McDaniel. “Part of feeling comfortable in your own skin is owning your imperfections and the fact that bodies sometimes do weird things or make weird noises during sex.” (It's also normal to have anxious thoughts in bed.) And if anything during your romp does slip into the realm of embarrassing, try to focus on the humor over the humiliation. “Being able to laugh when someone falls off the bed, gets a cramp, or accidentally makes a weird noise can make a potentially awkward moment into a connecting one.”

2 of 13

3 of 13

Save Pin
Facebook Tweet Mail Email iphone Send Text Message

Lube up

natural-lube-sex-bed-feet-couple
Credit: Getty Images

Lube has gotten a bad rap over the years for being a crutch during sex. But according to McDaniel that’s so not the case: “I had no idea when I was younger that lube wasn't just for people experiencing issues with wetness, but really enhances sexual activity in general.”

Emily Morse, sex and relationship expert and host of the podcast Sex with Emily, completely agrees: “It’s not a failure of your womanhood to get a little help from your lubricant ally.” Morse recommends getting into the habit of experimenting with different kinds (read up on five varieties) to figure out what works best for you. (Just keep in mind; it’s crucial to stick to silicon lubes when using condoms!) But if you’re not sure where to get started, she recommends trying her favorite, SKYN Maximum Performance.

3 of 13

Advertisement

4 of 13

Save Pin
Facebook Tweet Mail Email iphone Send Text Message

Don't skip the rubbers

Don't skip the rubbers
Credit: Getty Images

We get it; condoms are notorious pleasure-busters, and not exactly the coolest contraceptive on the block. “In my 20s, condoms were more of a nuisance than a savior,” says sex educator and pelvic health physical therapist Uchenna Ossai. “I remember many times when my male partners would say things like ‘It doesn’t feel as good.’” But all feels aside, condoms really are crucial, and luckily there are plenty of great options (like these nine types) that provide protection without feeling restrictive.

Also be sure to carry your own, says Morse, “After all, can you really trust a guy to keep your sexual safety in mind when many of them aren’t even clear on the location of the clitoris?” And if he gives a hard ‘no’ when you break out the rubber? “Plenty of other princes out there will pleasantly surprised that you brought your own glass slipper,” says Morse. “And will be happy to show you their appreciation all night long.”

4 of 13

5 of 13

Save Pin
Facebook Tweet Mail Email iphone Send Text Message

Sex shouldn’t hurt

Vulvodynia
Credit: Getty Images

While trying new things can definitely be positive, it should never come at the expense of your comfort. Yet many women who experience unwanted pain during during intercourse are under the impression it's just a reality of sex. But Ossai explains this couldn’t be more false. “Sex simply should not hurt, so if you are experiencing pain with sex; don’t ignore it!” she says. “See a doctor or a pelvic health physical therapist who has experience treating sexual pain.”

In the meantime, Ossai suggests playing around with “outercourse” (oral or external stimulation), masturbation, or even sex products like vibrating rings and finger massagers (her personal fave is Lifestyles Amuse: His and Hers pleasure massagers.)

5 of 13

6 of 13

Save Pin
Facebook Tweet Mail Email iphone Send Text Message

Fake orgasms benefit no one

global-orgasm-facts
Credit: Getty Images

“I know it’s tempting to fake an orgasm from time to time, whether we know it’s not going to happen or just want to give our partner a little ego boost,” says Morse. The problem is, “Now that he thinks he’s the master of your orgasmic universe, he’ll keep doing these same moves over and over again believing they’ll yield positive results.”

So you’re innocent little act could actually send you down a long path of orgasm-free sex. Do yourself a favor: “Skip the theatrics, and offer some constructive criticism instead,” says Morse—like one of these tips for better orgasms. “It takes more effort to fake writhe and moan than it does to point him in the direction of your clitoris.”

6 of 13

Advertisement
Advertisement
Advertisement

7 of 13

Save Pin
Facebook Tweet Mail Email iphone Send Text Message

Don’t focus on the finish line

sex sexy couple relationship dating sexual sex positions cozy spooning bedroom
Credit: Getty Images

While setting yourself up for orgasm disappointment is certainly something to avoid, realize that having tunnel vision for that climax can put a damper on your sex life as well. Consider the overused “it’s about the journey not the destination” advice, because it's actually spot-on in this case—there’s a whole world of enjoyment to be had between the sheets, from start to finish. “Sex is more than just penetration and reaching an orgasm,” says Ossai. “If you invest your focus on the pleasure vs. the end-goal; you will completely reinvent your sex life for years to come.”

7 of 13

8 of 13

Save Pin
Facebook Tweet Mail Email iphone Send Text Message

Allow yourself to be pleasured

Allow yourself to be pleasured
Credit: Getty Images

“There’s an epidemic affecting young women everywhere: they still believe that sexual pleasure is a one way street, leading only towards their partners’ satisfaction,” says Morse. If this sounds familiar, it’s time for a reality check: “Sex is a two-way street; both parties should have the opportunity to get where they need to go.”

The catch is, you have to be open to taking charge of your own pleasure. Don’t be afraid to put yourself first sometimes, or ask for exactly what you want, when you want it. And most importantly, remember that you 100% deserve to feel satisfied and enjoy every single second of sex, says Morse. “Your body is wired for it, after all.”

8 of 13

9 of 13

Save Pin
Facebook Tweet Mail Email iphone Send Text Message

Go at it solo

masturbation-benefits-bath-tub-legs
Credit: Getty Images

If you’re not 100% sure what to ask for in bed, or feel a little uncomfortable in your own skin, masturbation can fix all of that (read up on all the reasons masturbation should be part of your self-care routine). “Take your time, set the mood, and really get to know what your body likes,” says McDaniel. “Use a little bit of lube, to enhance your senses and play with different pressure, tempos, and ways of touching yourself.”

9 of 13

Advertisement
Advertisement
Advertisement

10 of 13

Save Pin
Facebook Tweet Mail Email iphone Send Text Message

Expand your horizons

reboot-sex-life
Credit: Getty Images

It can be really easy to limit your sexy time to the standard penetrative and oral sex. But guess what: there’s a whole world of erogenous zones outside of the obvious parts down there. “I wish I had a broader view of sex in my early 20s and experimented with different types of erotic and sensual play outside of the genitals,” says Ossai. “Because when you grow your erotic sensibilities and have the courage to indulge your curiosities, it makes for a hell of a sex life!”

10 of 13

11 of 13

Save Pin
Facebook Tweet Mail Email iphone Send Text Message

Don't stress about your body

spring-summer-weight-loss
Credit: Getty Images

“I wish I could have told my younger self not to worry so much about how my body looked, because it held me back from being present in my body during sex,” says Sarah Tomchesson, sex educator and head of business operations at The Pleasure Chest.

You can know the best sex tricks in the book, but if you don’t feel comfortable in your skin, sex is always going to be lukewarm," says Ossai. Granted, there's no magic trick to improving your body confidence. "It requires patience, consistent effort, and kindness.” Ossai suggests taking control by avoiding people and media that leave you feeling sub-par. Instead, figure out what helps you feel beautiful, confident, powerful, and sexy. “As your body confidence improves, so will your sex life,” Ossai says.

And if you need a little extra inspiration, check out some of these great body positive moments.

11 of 13

12 of 13

Save Pin
Facebook Tweet Mail Email iphone Send Text Message

Be present

sex-break-sweden
Credit: Getty Images

It can be easy to get lost in your own thoughts during sex—whether you’re stressing about what your bod looks like or that work project you need to finish tomorrow. “A tip I share with anyone who gets stuck in the head during sex is to focus on awakening the whole body before sex,” says Tomchesson, who struggled with this in her 20s.

She suggests trying out “sensation play techniques,” which involve taking away one or two senses, like sight or sound, to heighten other senses, like touch. “For instance, you can use a blindfold on your partner and then give them a massage with a warm massage oil or use a feather over their body and the sensation becomes heightened,” she says. “This helps to bring you into your body, into the moment and out of your head.”

12 of 13

Advertisement
Advertisement
Advertisement

13 of 13

Save Pin
Facebook Tweet Mail Email iphone Send Text Message

Realize there is much to learn

education-sex-tips-20s

“In my 20s, I could have benefited from someone telling me ‘the more you know, the more you realize how little you know (in bed),’” says Tomchesson. “I thought I should be an expert at sex, and as a result, I found it hard to access information and education about sex because I was embarrassed.”

But it’s important to remember sex is like any other skill; it takes time and practice to hone your craft. “In the case of everyone's sexual journey, that means to find the orgasms and erotic experiences that are satisfying for you.” And don’t be afraid to seek help to do so. Look into online resources like OMG Yes, workshops led by experts at sex shops like the Pleasure Chest, or sex tips from Health.com.The bottom line: Your sexual education is always a work in progress, especially since your body and desires are constantly changing and evolving, so don’t be afraid to seek help, branch out, and step out of your comfort zone from time to time.

13 of 13

Replay gallery

Share the Gallery

Pinterest Facebook

Up Next

By Kristine Thomason

    Share the Gallery

    Pinterest Facebook
    Trending Videos
    Advertisement
    Skip slide summaries

    Everything in This Slideshow

    Advertisement

    View All

    1 of 13 To my 20-year-old self
    2 of 13 It's okay to laugh
    3 of 13 Lube up
    4 of 13 Don't skip the rubbers
    5 of 13 Sex shouldn’t hurt
    6 of 13 Fake orgasms benefit no one
    7 of 13 Don’t focus on the finish line
    8 of 13 Allow yourself to be pleasured
    9 of 13 Go at it solo
    10 of 13 Expand your horizons
    11 of 13 Don't stress about your body
    12 of 13 Be present
    13 of 13 Realize there is much to learn

    Share options

    Facebook Tweet Mail Email iphone Send Text Message

    Login

    Health.com

    Magazines & More

    Learn More

    • About Us
    • Subscribe this link opens in a new tab
    • Contact us
    • Advertise this link opens in a new tab
    • Content Licensing this link opens in a new tab
    • Sitemap

    Connect

    Follow Us
    Subscribe to Our Newsletter
    Other Meredith Sites

    Other Meredith Sites

    • 4 Your Health this link opens in a new tab
    • Allrecipes this link opens in a new tab
    • All People Quilt this link opens in a new tab
    • Better Homes & Gardens this link opens in a new tab
    • Bizrate Insights this link opens in a new tab
    • Bizrate Surveys this link opens in a new tab
    • Cooking Light this link opens in a new tab
    • Daily Paws this link opens in a new tab
    • EatingWell this link opens in a new tab
    • Eat This, Not That this link opens in a new tab
    • Entertainment Weekly this link opens in a new tab
    • Food & Wine this link opens in a new tab
    • Hello Giggles this link opens in a new tab
    • Instyle this link opens in a new tab
    • Martha Stewart this link opens in a new tab
    • Midwest Living this link opens in a new tab
    • More this link opens in a new tab
    • MyRecipes this link opens in a new tab
    • MyWedding this link opens in a new tab
    • My Food and Family this link opens in a new tab
    • MyLife this link opens in a new tab
    • Parenting this link opens in a new tab
    • Parents this link opens in a new tab
    • People this link opens in a new tab
    • People en Español this link opens in a new tab
    • Rachael Ray Magazine this link opens in a new tab
    • Real Simple this link opens in a new tab
    • Ser Padres this link opens in a new tab
    • Shape this link opens in a new tab
    • Siempre Mujer this link opens in a new tab
    • Southern Living this link opens in a new tab
    • SwearBy this link opens in a new tab
    • Travel & Leisure this link opens in a new tab
    MeredithHealth.com is part of the Meredith Health Group. © Copyright 2021 Meredith Corporation. All rights reserved. The material in this site is intended to be of general informational use and is not intended to constitute medical advice, probable diagnosis, or recommended treatments. All products and services featured are selected by our editors. Health.com may receive compensation for some links to products and services on this website. Offers may be subject to change without notice. Privacy Policythis link opens in a new tab Terms of Servicethis link opens in a new tab Ad Choicesthis link opens in a new tab California Do Not Sellthis link opens a modal window Web Accessibilitythis link opens in a new tab
    © Copyright . All rights reserved. Printed from https://www.health.com

    View image

    13 Truths About Sex Every Woman Must Learn Before Turning 30
    this link is to an external site that may or may not meet accessibility guidelines.