Sex Questions: When Size Matters
Our sexpert, Linda De Villers, PhD, chimes in on how to handle size issues, oral sex, and how waxing affects your romance and health.
Q: My husband is rather well-endowed, which has become a bit uncomfortable as Ive gotten older. What can we do?
A: Despite the cliche that “bigger is better,” a mans generous proportions can sometimes pose a problem for women, especially around menopause, when a decrease in vaginal lubrication can become an issue. The solution? Insist on lots of foreplay—anything from kissing to watching sexy movies. Whatever guarantees excitement for you.
When youre ready to go further, have some water-based lube on hand to supplement your own natural fluids (try experimenting with different brands to settle on a favorite). Intercourse from behind or side-by-side results in less depth of penetration and will be especially helpful if your partners length, not girth, is the issue (either can be problematic). Any position that puts you on top is a good choice, too, since youll have more control over the action; tell him to lie back and enjoy. As for couples who have the opposite problem, missionary style maximizes penetration, making him seem larger; you can help by bringing your knees up to your chest.
Q: Oral sex seems like an afterthought in our relationship. We want to do it more, but both of us feel awkward. Can we change that?
A: First, give each other a pat on the bum for wanting to make a positive change—for many women, oral sex is the easiest way to reach orgasm. Not sure how to raise the subject? While youre fooling around, mention how much you liked it the last time you tried some oral play. That may be all the suggestion he needs. Or show him the love first; hell probably be happy to reciprocate.
If gagging is a concern when youre “giving,” use your hand to guide his penis toward the insides of your cheeks, or control its depth by circling your hands around the base. Positions like sitting or kneeling may work best; experiment with several to find your favorite(s). And pull in a pillow or two: Getting comfortable will free you up to pay attention to your partners reactions—his sounds and movements should cue you to whats most pleasing (on the receiving end, give him plenty of feedback, too). There are even how-to DVDs like The Sinclair Institutes The Art of Oral Loving ($19.95) if youre a visual learner. Above all, the timeless advice for sports and music holds true for oral play: Practice makes perfect. Adding a session every so often will cut down on the awkwardness, but itll still feel like a special treat.
Q: My husband wants me to try a Brazilian wax. Should I?
A: Ever since Carrie Bradshaw got a Brazilian (botched, actually) on "Sex and the City," more and more women are going mostly-bare down there. Still, the look—achieved by using hot wax to remove all hair from the pubic region and labia, leaving only a thin vertical “landing strip” up top—is not for everyone.
Some key questions to consider if youre considering joining the ranks: Does it hurt? Yes, absolutely, though taking aspirin beforehand can help. (Some waxing fans claim both the pain and hair regrowth diminish over time.) Are you prepared to expose your nether regions to an aesthetician and get into some interesting positions? Are you OK with forking over $25 to $50 every month to maintain the look?
There are a few real (if rare) health risks. If you experience nicks, abrasions, or an ingrown hair, youll be more vulnerable to infections. And an inexperienced aesthetician could burn you (so get a recommendation from a regular client). Youll have to avoid tight clothing, saunas and hot tubs, vigorous exercise, and oral sex for 10 hours postwax, because youll be slightly more susceptible to bacteria. Oh, and numbing creams like Icy Hot? A definite no-no. Bottom line: Let your feelings—not your husbands wishes—make the call. You could always start with a standard bikini wax (just shaping and trimming), and work your way up to a Brazilian.