6 (Bad!) Excuses You're Using to Skip Sex
Keep sex coming
Got seven to 13 minutes? Then you’ve got enough time to get it on. Here are six excuses you’re probably making to pass on a shag—and how to stop selling yourself short on satisfaction.
The excuse: I’m too tired
It’s common to lack sexual energy when your head hits the pillow. "If the first time you think about being intimate is when you crawl into bed, it’s like starting a cold engine," explains Stella Resnick, PhD, a clinical psychologist and author of the forthcoming book Heart of Desire.
Resnick advises stoking your libido in little ways throughout the day: Take a break to let yourself fantasize, or give your guy a passionate kiss when you get home from work. You’ll feel less spent and more psyched for sex when you hit the sack.
The excuse: I don't have time
We hear you—you’ve got a zillion things going on. But all you need is a few (low-impact, refreshing) minutes to squeeze sex into your schedule.
The secret, as unsexy as it sounds, is prioritizing: If doing the deed isn’t high on your to-do list, it will always get bumped for seemingly more pressing pursuits.
"Women sometimes buy into the myth that good sex has to be spontaneous, which is nonsense," says sex expert Trina Read, author of Till Sex Do Us Part. A pre-planned mini block of sweet lovin’ can be just as satisfying—and is way better than no sex at all.
The excuse: I’m not loving my thighs
Having a bad body-image day? Sex with your sweetie can actually have a positive effect on your confidence. To jump-start feeling sexy, Resnick suggests slipping on something that makes you feel hot, whether it’s lingerie or a killer pair of heels.
During the act, refocus your attention on how your body feels instead of how it looks, Resnick advises.
Also tune in to how much he’s admiring what your body can do!
The excuse: But the Kardashians are on
There’s a reason they invented TiVo, gals. If you’re concerned you’ll be mystified by the hot Twitter trending topics tomorrow, set the DVR, get busy for 15 minutes, then come back and watch your show in all of its commercial-free glory.
The excuse: I have a headache
If it’s a true headache—and not code for "I just don’t feel like doing it"—getting it on may help.
"Research has shown that good, satisfying sex has analgesic properties," Resnick says. Translation: It can make your dome stop throbbing!
But it can’t be obligatory, just-lie-there sex. "It’s the pleasure aspect that’s the pain reliever," Resnick explains. You don’t have to climax, but if you do, the resulting drug cocktail your brain releases along with it can add up to even greater pain relief. Who needs ibuprofen?
The excuse: I’m not in the mood
Let’s face it—most grown women don’t walk around feeling randy 24/7. While men can get an erection practically at will, women sometimes need a little extra lovin’.
So when you’re feeling apathetic about sex, try stripping down to nothing and just lying together, pressing your bodies against one another.
"The proximity and skin-on-skin contact release pheromones that trigger desire," Resnick explains. More often than not, a few minutes of neck-nuzzling will flip your switch. If not, no worries—there’s always tomorrow night!