“I swore I would never be there again, be here again,” she posted on Facebook.
Ali Vincent made history as the first female to win weight loss competition show The Biggest Loser in 2008 after losing 112 lbs.—but in April, Vincent, 41, revealed that she had regained almost all of the weight she had lost.
“I swore I would never be there again, be here again,” she posted on Facebook at the time. “I couldn’t imagine a day again that I would weigh over 200 lbs. I feel ashamed. I feel embarrassed. I feel overwhelmed. I feel like failure.”
“I’ve realized, over the last year, as I’ve gained this weight, it was so much of my life slowed down, that a lot of stuff came up that I just hadn’t dealt with,” she said.
Vincent announced that she was joining Weight Watchers to get her weight back on track, but says she is still struggling with the emotional aspects of her weight gain now.
“The Biggest Loser gave me the opportunity to believe in myself and I don’t know that I ever really did,” Vincent says on Monday’s episode of T.D. Jakes. “Everybody wanted me to and I wanted to for them, and I had results to prove it. But do I really deserve to have everything that I dream of? Do I deserve to have this happiness?”
Vincent admits that it’s her past struggles that have been holding her back from being her best self.
“I know that there’s stuff that I have to deal with, and I know that it goes back way far, but then I also know that I’m 41 years old — when am I going to own my own stuff?” she says. “When can I just let go?”
To see more of Vincent’s emotional interview with T.D. Jakes, check your local listings to tune into the full episode on Monday. Also available on OWN at 6 p.m. EST/PST.
This article originally appeared on People.com.