Friends will tell you what you want to hear. But then comes that moment when you’re ready to hear what you need to hear. How do you know when it’s that time?
Your Relationships Typically End In Disaster
Faulty dating patterns, like getting into destructive relationships, being unable to sustain relationships, or not being able to get over a breakup may require the expertise of a licensed therapist.
The root cause of these patterns could be low self-esteem and anxiety issues that a therapist could identify and help you get over, says psychotherapist Sari Cooper.
“Advice also changes if there are mitigating factors like an angry ex-spouse, financial resources, or sexual performance anxiety.”
You Can’t Meet Potential Dates
A dating coach or matchmaker can offer tips on communication, meeting new men or women and setting you up with viable dates rather than allowing you to continue to date the same types of people, says author and dating coach Liz H. Kelly.
“Many men and women will also hire a coach to revise their internet dating profile,” she adds.
Social anxiety can lead people to avoid social situations or online dating so that they’re having trouble getting out there. A therapist can help overcome this.
You’ve Listened To Your Mother One Too Many Times
Your parents didn’t have the internet. And societal expectations regarding marriage and last relationships also have changed.
A family member may have unconscious needs based on their relationship with you that unconsciously affects their advice, says Cooper.
“For example, a mom might suggest you continue to see someone because they have the ‘right’ job or religion.”
Your Friends Are Projecting Their Experiences On You
Advice from friends can be skewed based on their own experiences, for example, a long-distance relationship didn’t work for them, and therefore it could never work for you.
“If someone thinks their friends are telling them how they really feel, they will be more resistant to seek others' advice,” says Kelly.
They may also be tapped out of ideas. Therefore, you’re getting the same advice and experiencing the same (not good) result.
You Can’t Afford A Therapist?
If you don’t have the time or money to spend on a professional, relationship classes and books are a good bet, says psychologist Dr. Jeff Gardere. Especially material that is more scholarly and less fluff, he adds.
Look for books and classes written by professionals who have had a lot of experience working with couples of all ages and circumstances.
Many experts advise that dating should be fun and a learning experience.
“See it as an opportunity to learn more about the world not as a yes or no scenario. Find out what emotions, desires and needs get kicked up in a relationship and you’ll learn more about yourself as a person,” says Cooper.
It is also about taking responsibility so you can do better to make the relationship work, says Gardere. “Don’t play the blame game.”
Adds Kelly: “Confidence is the biggest sex appeal, but more importantly, live a passionate life that makes you happy inside.”
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