YouTube addicts who've gotten a gander of the Fifty Shades of Grey trailer might come away with a couple of thoughts. Things like: “Wait—where's the spanking? I was led to believe there would be spanking. There’s gonna be spanking, right?”
"I wonder if my office's elevators would be conducive to copulation?"
"Whoa, Jamie Dornan (he who wields the mighty whip and cute nipple clamps in the feisty flick) is one chiseled dude!"
And yet six-pack be damned: the Irish-born actor (and former Calvin Klein underwear model) claims he has issues with his looks. “I think I’m like anyone," Dornan told The Independent earlier this week. “I have massive hang-ups about my physical appearance. I was a very skinny kid but I played a lot of sport. I took rugby very seriously but always felt skinny and small. And now I have the same insecurities as when I was a kid.”
To which we offer this firm but gentle tongue-lashing: You lie.
But wait…we may have to take back our stinging words! A new survey that just happens to coincide with Dornan’s self-deprecating comments reveals that men just may be every bit as insecure about their bodies as women are—perhaps more so. The poll, conducted on behalf of Transform, a Brit-based plastic surgery provider, found that the body part that men were most likely to obsess about is their torsos: 31% said a hunky trunk is a man’s most important physical attribute, while 35% of the men said it was the part of their body they hated the most. Perhaps it's true: Another report claims that the number of men having breast reduction surgery has doubled since 2009 (in the UK, anyway).
The Transform survey also found that men shell out more money than women in an average month on products and services (like gym memberships) to improve their looks. Nearly 20% of male respondents said they've either had or might consider having a cosmetic procedure. And 15% felt that their appearance was their number one priority in life. (Yeah, that one’s a keeper.)
Know what we think? Beefcake-heavy movies like 50 Shades and Magic Mike have got the guys running scared. Suddenly, a robust bank account and sparkling wit will no longer cut it in the way that, well, being cut does. Embracing that cute little paunch? You can kiss those days good-bye, guys.
Suddenly, it’s all come down to this: “Honey, be honest. Do these Dockers make my butt look big?” (Psst…Careful how you answer, ladies—it's a trap.)
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