How to Be a Caregiver and Not Go Broke Yourself

Where to get help:

The government. All too often, caregivers think they have to stretch their own resources to the breaking point. But there are some other options. For instance, your disabled child may qualify for Medicaid, the government medical insurance program for low-income individuals and families, and Supplemental Security Income, which pays a monthly stipend once he or she reaches 18. "The child of Bill and Melinda Gates can still qualify for Medicaid because eligibility is based on the child's income once the child reaches 18," says Ron Pearson, principal of Beach Financial Advisory Service, a financial planning firm in Virginia Beach, Va., that specializes in families with special needs. Go to BenefitsCheckUp, a website hosted by the National Council on Aging, to find out about government programs that your loved one might be eligible for.

Long-term care insurance. Preferably way before your parents or other elderly relatives need care, talk to them about long-term care insurance, which can pay for home health aides, assisted-living facilities, or nursing homes. The earlier you purchase it, the less it costs and the more likely you are to qualify. If there's money for care, you can greatly reduce the amount of time you'll need to spend on it yourself. Abbott, for example, convinced her mother to purchase a plan 15 years ago when she was 58. Now her mother is in an assisted-living facility. The policy, which pays $3,000 a month, partially covers the cost. "She'll never have to spend down her assets," she says. "It gave us choices we never thought we had."

Your family. If your parents are older than 62 and own their home, they may be able to take out a reverse mortgage to tap the equity in their home. Or they might be eligible for something as simple as a Meals on Wheels program or participation in an adult day-care center. Contact your Area Agency on the Aging to learn about programs available for older adults where you live.

Have open, frank discussions about how you'll care for family members should the need arise, but do so while those family members are still healthy; it allows them to be part of the conversation. Ask lots of questions. If one sibling is willing to provide direct care to an ailing parent, can another pitch in financially? It might be a difficult conversation, but it will prepare everyone for what might lie ahead. "This lets a person see what they need to do and helps them get organized," explains Abbott. "This will prepare you for when you get that call in the middle of the night."