Q:
Unlike other life-threatening illnesses, depression can carry the stigma of culpability: You brought it on yourself, so you can make it go away. This is so cruel. How do I answer it?
A:
Sometimes people who have very little knowledge about depression have a difficult time understanding it. Frequently there are no obvious symptoms—it’s not like a broken leg or the flu—so they are not convinced that depression is an actual illness. They choose to believe that it is simply the blues or unhappiness, and that you may have done something to bring it on. If that is the case, they reason, you should have the ability to work through it and get on with your life.
Again, depression is a very hard thing for families to accept. They don’t want to acknowledge that this is real and serious, so they go into denial. They also fear the stigma they could experience if others learn about the depression. What is more, they may be afraid because they feel that if a daughter or son has fallen prey to depression, they might too.
Q:
I have never been one for joining groups of any kind. Why should I participate in group therapy or support groups?
A:
Of course such groups are not for everyone, but they are definitely worth exploring. Following is a note from a former patient who initially was reluctant to participate in a group but eventually found it immensely beneficial.
"At first I wondered, Are these support groups merely misery-loves-company get-togethers, or something more substantial? Almost from the outset, I found my first group to be very rewarding, in part for that very reason: Misery does love company. We introduced ourselves—there were six or seven of us—and immediately I recognized that, for the first time in more than a decade, I was in a room with people who not only sympathized with me, but in many ways were me. At the risk of sounding overdramatic, I found the experience almost spiritual, because here I was interacting with individuals who needed no education about depression and its many causes, who needed no elucidation about symptoms and pain, who were experiencing the same issues at work and with family, and who certainly needed no more sermons about bucking up and moving on. With these stricken strangers, I could be totally honest. I suppose it was like gathering the 10 smartest physicists in the world in a classroom. You can skip the bullshit and get down to what really matters.
"Moreover, there existed a real generosity of spirit among the participants—every success story was everyone else’s success story. There is no substitute for this."
Q:
I have read that creating a daily routine can help me get through the week. What does that entail?
A:
It's really important to have a regular routine of some sort and remain committed to it to the best of your ability. Whatever activities you decide to engage in, try to do them at the same time every day. You need to stay connected to the world, and self-discipline is a good way to achieve this. A routine—anything from jogging and shopping to doing the dishes—helps you avoid the stay-in-the-house-in-your-pajamas syndrome, which can make things worse; and a routine demonstrates to you and to others that if you are capable of getting through the day, you are capable of recovery. Naturally, when you are engaged during the day, you tend not to be as fixated on the depression.
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