I Recovered From Depression by Connecting With Others

Depression diagnosis
I made an appointment with the head of psychiatry at a nearby hospital. He diagnosed me with depression and set up a meeting with a psychiatrist and psychologist, who suggested I begin therapy and get on antidepressants. As a teenager I had been on sedatives for migraine equivalents that had caused grogginess and flattened personality, so I was somewhat antimedication and opted not to get a prescription.

Talk therapy was a good start, but it’s hard to participate when you’re so completely absorbed in your depression. My thoughts moved like mud, and I couldn’t feel anything.

Six months after my depression diagnosis, I decided to take Norpramin. It took about six weeks for my body to adjust, but it was a complete 180. Small things that used to require all my energy, like taking a walk, became effortless, and I could express my emotions in therapy.

There were some unpleasant side effects—morning nausea, dry mouth (which caused my teeth to decalcify)—but I took Norpramin for 10 years. I’d choose the negative side effects over being depressed any day.

Breaking the silence
Silence kept me away from treating my depression, and it’s what keeps others away too. It's so isolating. I was compelled to let people know it isn’t normal to feel depressed all the time. So in 1995, I started my website, Wing of Madness, because I wasted so much time suffering.

Almost immediately, people emailed me to ask for advice and to tell me they were relieved to hear of someone else with the same problem. To help connect others, I began a forum for others to lick their wounds, feel less alone, and get encouragement. It was hard to coordinate, but it helped me evolve into a crusader for depression.

Even with the website, I couldn’t deal with depression by myself. I was still going to therapy and trying to switch to an antidepressant without as many negative side effects. I spent a year on Prozac, in part because my doctor felt it would also help my obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). He was right, but it caused anorgasmia and my personality felt flattened. I went back to Norpramin for a few years and eventually switched to Wellbutrin.

In 2000, I hit another roadblock when I was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis (MS), a disease affecting the central nervous system. I lost my job shortly thereafter. My husband, George, and I were living in a rural area, and it was isolating to deal with MS and depression without a job to distract me. I began to work even harder on the website, and it became my community. It strengthened me for the next life change I was planning.