6 Ways to Help Alleviate a Loved One's Cancer Pain

Why it helps: Stress will exacerbate the pain, says Kathleen Foley, MD, a neurologist and former chief of the Pain and Palliative Care Service at Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center in New York City. Blocking agitations can make a big difference. While Jen Singer, 41, of Kinnelon, N.J., was being treated for non-Hodgkin's lymphoma, she says her husband "kept the kids and the neighbors and the phone out of my way when I wasn't feeling well." He also made sure her pain prescriptions were filled and always close-by.

Why it helps: Most pain drugs work to keep aches under control by being administered on a regular basis, says Terri Ades, director of cancer information for the American Cancer Society. But patients "often assume that if they're not in pain, they don't need to take their medications." Ensuring the patient stays on-schedule will help prevent gaps between doses, and flare-ups that will be more difficult to control.

Why it helps: Giving the patient the opportunity to focus on something other than pain can actually alleviate it. Take them shopping, go to a park, watch a movie—whatever distractions they're interested in. When cancer kept 36-year-old Cathy Bueti, of Brewster, N.Y., stranded at home and feeling isolated, friends stopped by with ice cream during their lunch hour. "We just sat in my apartment and ate some ice cream and caught up on some girl talk. That was something that was really simple but helped me get out of whatever moment I was in."

Why it helps: Muscle tension and stress only make pain worse. Caregivers can help patients reduce both by guiding them through focused breathing and other meditative exercises, says Ades, of the American Cancer Society. Adding massage in a firm, circular motion around areas of pain (avoiding red or swollen areas) may also help.

Why it helps: "Well-meaning people can be overbearing at times, even with the best of intentions," says Timothy Moynihan, MD, a medical oncologist at the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minn. If cooking dinner for the family is something that gives meaning to a patient's life, a caregiver might offer to help instead of taking over the job.

Why it helps: Talking about the pain and other things they are going through can bring immense relief to people in pain, helping to lessen some of the depression and isolation that comes along with it. Breast cancer patient Susan Henle, 55, of Lakeland, Fla., found that being able to just "whine" sometimes to her family about the pain helped. "The more I talked to them, the better I would feel," she says. And for former non-Hodgkin's lymphoma patient Jen Singer, perhaps the most important thing was simply knowing that her husband took her pain seriously.