Getting Genital Herpes Was Upsetting at First, but There Are Worse STDs

I didn't think it was herpes at first. It didn't look like all the pictures on the Internet. I thought it might be ingrown hairs. It was a really mild outbreak. At the time, I was so broke, I decided to go to the local free clinic, where the homeless go. They did the test and, sure enough, it was herpes. I got it from my girlfriend. She told me she didn't know she had it. I don't really know whether she knew or not.

You worry that you're "dirty"
Getting the diagnosis was really upsetting. When you do research on herpes, you're given very bleak-seeming numbers and obtuse pleasantries that say, "Don't worry. It's going to be OK." There's a discordance between the information and how you feel. You worry that you're dirty, tainted…that people aren't going to want you.

Treatment
I used Valtrex and it worked fine. There's a weird feeling of spaced-out dehydration that I get, that other people I've talked to have said they've experienced too. My outbreaks last about a week. Five days, really. If I notice the outbreak ahead of time and start popping pills, it will last three days. I began to get fewer outbreaks over time. Now I have about four a year.

Dating with herpes
Since I was in a relationship with the person who gave it to me, I was able to keep the fear of sex out of my head until that relationship ended. Now, of course, I have definite worries about spreading it. It's pretty awkward, but after a while it becomes a practical fear instead of an emotional one. There are dating sites for people with herpes, but you have to pay to join and that's a bit of a drag.

There's a stigma attached to herpes. It's not something where I can take my poker buddies aside and talk about it with them. So that's one good thing about the commercial herpes sites: I paid my money, so I might as well take the chance to rant and rave.

If it ever gets to a physical point with a new relationship, then yeah, I'm going to have to drop the bomb. I'm probably just going to have to do that in a forthright and diplomatic way. I've heard a lot of people's stories. It seems like there's a tendency to find excuses—"Oh we were so drunk and then..."—for not being up-front. That's not something I want to be a part of.