Distraction actually works
A soccer field isn't the first place you'd look for a woman suffering from intense, debilitating, chronic back pain, but that was where Jan, a 45-year-old mom from Boulder, Colo., went to get away from her pain. Coaching her son's soccer team took her out of herself and away from her pain. "I couldn't even kick the ball. I'd tell them what to do without being able to demonstrate," says Jan. "But it was good for me because it was a distraction. You want to do stuff and be active and be with your kids to distract yourself."
Focus on activities you love to do
Another approach is to set small but important goals, says Gabriel Tan, PhD, a pain psychologist at the Michael E. DeBakey Veteran Affairs Medical Center in Houston. One of Tan's patients with severe back pain found some relief in surgery and medication, but the remaining pain was still being compounded by his inability to do the things he enjoyed doing.
"I asked him 'What would you really like to do?' He said he would love to be able to garden again." Tan and his patient started to work toward that goal using a technique called reconditioninga gentle, gradual approach that involved practicing motions needed for gardening (like brief squats and bending at the waist) that did not persist beyond the point of tolerable pain.
"Eventually he was able to garden for five minutes, then 10," says Tan. "Now he can relax and bend down, and he actually reports that his pain intensity has decreased."
Make time for yourself
Working in some fun is often not a high priority for people with chronic pain. But that's a tactical mistake, says Keefe, who teaches chronic pain coping skills. Keefe finds that pain patients often eliminate pleasant things, strip their lives down to boring obligations, and accept few distractions.
"So we teach them to set goals for doing pleasurable activities," says Keefe. "Research seems to indicate, particularly for mood-improvement effects, that it's not so much a major activity like going to Disney World or something but the accumulation of minor things that give you a feeling of pleasure, of mastery."
Phyllis Talarico, 61, of Yorba Linda, Calif., who has fibromyalgia, has learned to focus on small things she loves doing.
"I'm a gardener, I love flowers, and I have a granddaughter," says Talarico. "I play with her, or we do things like read together."
Reach out to those around you
People who live with chronic pain can also fall victim to personal isolation. Amanda, 39, of Manchester, N.H., makes a point to reach out whenever she has a severe migraine attack. "Just finding someone to listen to you for a few minutes," she says, "you can get relief from that."
Amanda attends a headache support group and finds it to be a lifesaver. "It's been a tremendous support for me, and I think for the other people in the group too," she explains. "It's just someone to acknowledge that what you feel is normal. It just feels good to be accepted."