I Was Ashamed of My Herpes Until I Found Out How to Treat It

Dating with herpes
The dating scene was so difficult at first. I totally avoided sex initially. But now I don't care what the reaction is—I tell everyone who needs to know. I discovered quite quickly that honesty really is the best policy and I haven't experienced a rejection since. I learned to be honest, say it up front, and let them know that it doesn't have to get in the way of great sex.

I met one of my boyfriends on Hdate.com, a dating site for people with herpes. But I realized that I didn't want to rely on those sites. I felt like I was chickening out by not opening myself up to people without herpes. I felt like it was a big shameful secret that I had to hide. I didn't want it to be a source of shame anymore. And I ended up meeting somebody who was wonderful and I told him before we had sex.

Meeting The One
I've been with my boyfriend for almost three years and I know he wants to marry me. We have a very satisfying sex life. We use condoms for sex and practice abstinence whenever I have any shadow of a doubt. I have outbreaks a few times a year now—not very many. I abstain for seven to 10 days. I like to give it a few extra days to be on the safe side.

We do go raw at times. That's our choice. He's aware of the risks and he's had no complaints to date. I told him from the very beginning what it was, how I wanted to protect him, when we couldn't have sex, what kind of protection was best. Everything. I made sure to tell him that it's a rash you can spread. It's a disease but it comes and goes. It's like the turtle with its head in a shell; it sticks its head out when it wants.

When I met my boyfriend, I told him we had to go on a number of dates before sex—it was 20 dates. There was no pressure and it wasn't a big thing but one night, as things took their natural course, and we kissed and hugged, I said, "I have to tell you something, but I don't want to freak you out. I have—I have a skin irritation, it's a disease and it's herpes. I have an outbreak every once in a while and I can't have sex for a few days or a week. It's not going to kill you. I know when it's coming and I can protect you from it. It's not a huge deal for me, but it's something you should be aware of. You should do research, and if you have questions, I'm here to help. There's nothing I can do about it, but I'm telling you because I care about you."

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