"I had never had any problems down there before."
(DUNCAN SMITH/CORBIS/VEER)
Less than a week later, I had my first outbreak. Initially I didn't know what it was. I couldn't really see it; I just felt it. When I took a mirror to it, it looked like an ingrown hair gone awry. It was a painful blister. I went to see a doctor and the doc said, "I have to take samples first, but I think it's herpes." I didn't even know what herpes was. I'd never had any problems down there before.
I'm pretty sure he knew he had it
I felt ashamed, dirty, all those things. God, I had to get an STD that doesn't go away. It's a stigma that gets attached to you and it's rough. I couldn't stop beating myself up for being so careless. The guy didn't have symptoms—but I wouldn't have even known what to look for.
I remember wavering on whether I believed he didn't know he had it. I can't imagine someone being so thoughtless or heartless to subject me to this, knowing that he had it. But I'm pretty sure he knew. He seemed way too calm when I asked him.
