What to Do if Your Sex Partner Refuses to Wear a Condom

People are always complaining about condoms; they say they're uncomfortable, kill their erections, or disrupt the intimacy or sensitivity of sex. Others feel that being asked to use a condom implies a partner's distrust or promiscuity. If your partner uses his disapproval of condoms as an excuse to avoid wearing one, you're not alone.

Condoms so drastically reduce the risk of becoming infected with a sexually transmitted disease (STD) and avoiding pregnancy, however, that it's worth finding a way to change your partner's mind. Here are a few time-tested strategies that may help.

• Plan ahead: Before things get hot and heavy, set ground rules with your partner about what risks you're willing to take and which measures you'll take to protect yourselves and each other.

• Get the right size: One condom does not fit all. Luckily condoms come in many shapes, sizes, colors, flavors, textures, and materials, so chances are pretty good that there's a style that fits your needs for comfortable and enjoyable sex. "I encourage people to investigate different condoms and lubes with their partners to find what works best for them," says Perry N. Halkitis, PhD, a psychologist specializing in HIV at New York University.

For instance, you can find condoms that are ribbed or studded to increase friction for both partners, or something with a warming lubricant. "Microthin" condoms minimize the barrier between partners without sacrificing safety. You can experiment with different shapes such as Trojan's Twisted Pleasure or the extra-loose Pleasure Plus, which claims to simulate unprotected sex.