Then one day I suddenly found myself completely unable to experience joy. At first I used exercise and sex to try and fight it. I would drag myself outside for a three-mile run, hoping the endorphins would snap me out of it, and I had sex a lot. It worked a little but not enough.
The depression was way out of proportion to what was going on in my life at the time. I remember going out to dinner with my girlfriend and a few friends. In the middle of it, I felt myself tear up, and I thought, "This is absurd. I have to get help." That’s when I made the decision to go on medication. After enduring such a hard year of recovery, I didn’t have the energy to try to ride this out on my own.
I went to see a psychopharmacologist for help and he put me on Paxil (paroxetine, which is a selective serotonin-reuptake inhibitor, or SSRI). Either I didn’t know or didn’t care about how the side effects would affect my sex driveI just wanted a drug to pull me out of the depression. I was more worried about the risks of using a psychoactive drug after a brain injury.