Oh, Mr. Squiggles. Youve broken more womens hearts this year than Tiger Woods. Never heard of Mr. Squiggles? Either youre lucky or, more likely, you dont have anyone under 12 in your social circle. For the uninitiated, Mr. Squiggles is the hot toy of 2009.
Mr. Squiggles is a little robotic hamster that scurries around, rides a skateboard, rolls around in a hamster ball, and is just as cute as the real versionÂwithout the offending smell, cage cleaning, and tendency to bite small fingers.
At a cost of $8 to $10 each, whats not to love? Mr. Squiggles, you had usÂme and my 8-year-old who started crying for you back in AugustÂat the hamster version of hello. And heres where the heartbreak starts.
You cant find Mr. Squiggles (hes the brown one) anywhere. And dont bother looking for his pals Num Nums (gray), PipSqueak (yellow), or the white one (I can never remember his name) either.
These little fellows, collectively known as Zhu Zhu Pets, have been sold out at Target, Walmart.com, and Toys"R"Us for ages.
Mr. Squiggles's stardom means hes traveling in more rarefied circles now. For example, you can find him at Amazon.comÂat times for $70 or more. Or check out eBay, where a bunch of boobsÂlike meÂare furiously bidding on hundreds of the robotic rodents.
Thats right. Me, who scoffed at desperate parents in the past and has been known to lovingly croon to her children, âYou cant always get what you wantâ¦â snuck onto eBay late at nightÂnight after nightÂto watch the bidding madness.
And finally I pouncedÂand scored!Âa Mr. Squiggles. And it was only about two to three times the original cost.
But the heartbreak just keeps coming. A mere 12 hours later, I discovered Mr. Squiggles might be a toxic toy, potentially contaminated with antimony, according to a report from consumer group Good Guide. Oh, how you crush me, Mr. Squiggles!
Part of me feels like that toy would have to be made out of salmonella-coated plutonium to deter me from my desperate quest. (Did I mention that it included having a second cousin who lives three states away scout out her local storesÂunsuccessfully? Thanks for trying, Michele!)
But I thought Id better dig deeper. Is Mr. Squiggles bad for us? Really? (Meaning our physical, as opposed to mental, health.) In a hastily posted note on Monday (which misspelled âhamster,â but was later corrected), Good Guide clarified that it tests toys using something called XRF technology, which is different from that used by government regulators.
The Zhu Zhu Pets manufacturer, St. Louisâbased Cepia LLC, issued a statement saying, âTest results show Mr. Squiggles, as well as all other Zhu Zhu Pets products, are well within U.S. government standards and these results have been certified by the world's leading independent testing organizations.â
And the Toy Industry Association (TIA), which represents toy makers, also issued a statement saying XRF âhas not been determined to be a reliable test method overallâ by the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission.
âParents can be assured that things that are on the store shelves do comply with our very strict federal standards,â says the TIAs Adrienne Citrin.
Good Guide eventually issued a correction, saying that Mr. Squiggles was safe after all. Apparently it was all just a horrible mistake.
Thats nice. But between greedy jerks buying up every available toy just to charge parents exorbitant prices online (yes, its capitalism, but I dont have to like it), and mixed up toy testers, I just dont feel the same about you, Mr. Squiggles.
A bit of a holiday mood killer. What do you think?