Too Tired for Sex? Here's Help

Simple ways to feel sexier between the sheets, find time for the girls, and live it up for way less.

Nathalie Dion


Q: Ive gained some weight, and Im worried that this is a turn-off for my guy. What can I do to feel more confident?

A: Know this: a little bit of weight is never a deal breaker in a loving relation­ship. Odds are, your man still finds you as sexy as ever. But if youre feeling uncomfortable in your own skin, take control and figure out what will give you more confidence. The fact is, feeling insecure about your body will affect your sex life, even if your guys desire for you hasnt changed one bit.

The best place to start is actually outside of the bedroom: improving your diet and sticking to your exercise regimen can help you shed the pounds in a healthy way for a happier, more confident you.

And while youre on track to becoming more fit, try to focus less on what you dont like about yourself and more on what you do appreciate. What body parts are you proudest of? Your sexy shoulders? Your backside? Show them off in a sleeveless shirt or flattering jeans. Wearing clothes that make you feel hot will naturally make you feel more self-assured.

When youre in the bedroom, if you still feel self-conscious just dim the lights or use candles. As for positions, woman-on-bottom ones (think missionary) are more forgiving and help flatten a stomach pooch. Just remember, though: the goal is not to hide your flaws but to feel comfortable enough with your body to share it fully with your man.

Q: Lately, Im too tired, stressed, or grumpy to feel up for sex. Help!

A: Im going to let you in on a little secret: if all women waited to be “in the mood” before getting busy, very few of us would ever do it. Most women need to be stimulated mentally and/or physically before they actually feel turned on. The good news is you can single-handedly transform your libido by trying what I call self-seduction.

Throughout the day, conjure up past sexual experiences that really got you worked up—that should get you in a sexy mind-set. Feeling relaxed is also key. So when you get home, unwind with a glass of wine or do something else that will give you a mental break from stressors that may be affecting your sex drive.

It may help to read a supersexy novel—add self-stimulation, if you want to. And from this moment on, make sex a top priority. Dont wait until after the laundry and Greys Anatomy are done to get down to business. Surprise your man the minute you get home from work, or get more spontaneous in the mornings. If you wait until you collapse into bed, odds are your only desire will be for sleep.

You told us!

Whats your number-one turn-on?
53% A great sense of humor   
22% Confidence     
13% A great bod     
9% Smarts (the geekier the better!)   
3% Someone who can cook like Jamie Oliver

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Lori Buckley, PsyD, CST
Last Updated: February 19, 2010

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