Q: Sex with my husband is starting to feel like a routine. How can I get him to try new things?
A: First, realize that men have delicate egos and never want to hear that they’re not God’s gift to women in bed. Still, you should talk to your husbandjust do it outside the bedroom and in a loving way. Take a look at the role you play, too. Have you tried initiating more surprising sex?
Once you have a dialogue going (and assuming he does not have a medical condition and is not on medication that can affect his sexual desire or response, both of which he should consult a doctor about), think of ways to pique his interest outside the bedroom. For example, next time you take a shower, wear just the towel around for a while. Titillation will spur him to be more spontaneous. You can build up tension during the day with suggestive emails and phone messages, so that he’s raring to go at night. To explore new territory, write down your fantasies and put them in a "fantasy jar." Then take turns picking out of the jar and act out the fantasies. This can build intimacy, trustand great sex.
Q: Help! I can’t find my G-spot. Where is it?
A: Don’t worry: Your G-spot is in thereon the upper wall of your vagina, about a third of the way inbut it can be hard to pinpoint. In order to locate and stimulate the G-spot, you first need to be sexually aroused. Once you are well into foreplay, lie on your back and lift up your knees. Gently insert one or two fingers (or have your partner do this) two to three inches inside your vagina and make beckoning moves with your fingers, pressing up toward the belly button on the anterior vaginal wall.
Press gently at first, then add more pressure. You’ll know you’ve found your G-spot if you feel like you have to pee. Also, the area will feel firmer and a little rubbery. Just remember: Not all women have the same reaction to G-spot stimulation. Some find it leads to a more intense orgasm; others feel nothing at all. So don’t worry if your G-spot doesn’t lead you to bigger Os; you're perfectly normal.
Q: I feel like I wet myself when I have sex. Is that possible?
A: Many women produce large amounts of vaginal fluid during sex, especially during heightened arousal and menstruation. It’s completely normal. Some women even "ejaculate" this liquid during sex when aroused or at the time of orgasm. Unlike urine, this vaginal fluid is clear and odorless, so relax, you don’t need to start wearing diapers to bed. The fluid comes from two glands inside the urethra called the Skene's glands: It's the female counterpart to the male prostate, which produces the fluid in male ejaculate.
That said, if you feel pain when the wetness begins, have bleeding during or after intercourse, or the discharge is yellow and/or has an odor, see your doc, as these could signal something more serious.
Jennifer Berman, MD, is director of the Berman Women’s Wellness Center and author of For Women Only.