The Plus Side of Going Without Sex

Our sexpert Linda De Villers, PhD. explains why—plus straight talk on circumcision, pain during lovemaking, and the problem with separate bedrooms.


Our sexpert Linda De Villers, PhD. explains why—plus straight talk on circumcision, pain during lovemaking, and the problem with separate bedrooms.

Q: My partner and I are both on the road a lot for work. Lately, Ive been thinking about the old adage, “Absence makes the heart grow fonder.” If we have less sex, will we want it more?

A: Your instinct for keeping the spark alive is right on, Im happy to report.

Resisting the urge to have sex can pay off in hotter action the next time you succumb to desire, even if its just your maddening travel schedules causing the resistance. And absence may even have benefits over expensive mate-wooing extras like beauty treatments or lingerie. One study shows that men whove spent time apart from their partners not only are more eager to get them in the sack, but find them more attractive, too. Theres also good news if youre hoping to get pregnant after an extended run of sex-free days and nights: Your partners sperm count will be higher.

To tip the quality-versus-quantity ratio further in your favor, send your honey occasional lusty e-mails or text messages to get him thinking about that next encounter, however far off it may be. And when you finally do hook up, special touches like champagne and strawberries make it even more worth the wait.

Q: Is there any difference in having sex with men who are circumcised and those who arent?

A: First, lets talk visual effects. If you get amorous with an uncut guy, his erection will cause the foreskin to retract, leaving his penis bareheaded in all its glory, just like circumcised ones. Once hes inside you, you shouldnt feel any difference.

Your partner, though, just might count himself lucky that he never got nipped. Some (but not all) studies suggest that the tip of an uncircumcised penis is more sensitive to stimulation because keeping it covered up preserves its fine texture. Regardless, that uncut foreskin can function as a sort of free sex toy during foreplay if youre in the mood to experiment with it by pulling it up and down.

Worried about a greater risk of infection? Some research suggests that circumcision decreases a mans chances of contracting sexually transmitted infections (and passing these along to his partners). If youre concerned about STIs, use condoms and have a frank chat with any new partner, cut or otherwise, about your sexual histories.
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Linda De Villers, PhD
Last Updated: March 20, 2008

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